The Whole Hog

Jenn and I have detailed how the Spanish enjoy their pork, but the ingredient list on a can of lentils with chorizo—aka lentejas con chorizo—further affirms this cultural assumption:

Ingredient #1
Lentils
So far, so good. You’d expect lentils to be the dominant ingredient in a can of lentils.

Ingredient #2
Cooking Water
Okay. Makes sense. It requires a good amount of both cooking and water to transform the lentil from its dried, stony state to the tender legume we all love so much.

Ingredient #3
Chorizo
Right on. The can mentioned that this tasty Spanish sausage would be present. Of course, the chorizo is broken down into its many subcomponents in parentheses—paprika, garlic, pork, something called “pork dewlap,” whatever that is, and a few other spices. Works for me.

Ingredient #4
Pork Lard
Hmmm. All right. Maybe the chorizo didn’t add enough porky goodness to the dish, so the makers wanted to punch that up with some lard. I’m not one to balk at gratuitous fat placement, which should make the healthy and humble lentil a bit more palatable. Fat is flavor, right?

Ingredient #5
Bacon
Holy shit! We have a trifecta! While chorizo offers a nice smoky sausage flavor, and the pork lard unleashes that lovely fat-laden unctuousness, the bacon will smack you across the face with a little more of both. Man, those Spaniards dig pork!

Ingredient #6
Pork Fat Bacon
What the fuck is that?!?!?! I swear this is what the can lists as the sixth ingredient. Is something lost in the translation? I have never seen those three words magically placed in that order: Pork. Fat. Bacon. What a reckless display of fatty meat usage. This is an affront to my high cholesterol and to Jenn’s wavering vegetarianism.

After that, the list grows a bit more mundane. Amid all that pork, the makers of this dish also found some room for salt, onion, white wine, parsley and pepper. This was to be my lunch today.

Alas, we don’t have a can opener.