Temperature Test

The weather is warming here and so are we.

We can now navigate ordering at restaurants and the market in full Spanish, though the experiences have not been without mishaps. The other day, I attempted to order a vodka y soda at a cafe, subbing the pronunciation of the "V" as "B", as the Spanish do—only the bartender could not decipher what I was saying. Finally, he got it. "Ahhhhh, VODKA," he proclaimed, going on in Spanish, "I thought you were saying vaca, which goes moooo..."

Another time, Jay asked for the check at a restaurant. "La cuenta," which means "the check," is what one is supposed to say. Except he said, "cuanto cuestan," which essentially asks, "How much does all of this cost?"

As I said: We're just warm here. Not exactly en fuego just yet.

Sexually Confused

We all learned back in our freshman Spanish classes (or, in my case, French—why did I take that?), that quite a few languages apply a gender identity to many words—some words are masculine, some are feminine and yet others are total trannies. In the course of navigating this strange and wonderful and confusing and frustrating language, I've noticed something odd.

Beer, or cervaza, which is probably the word I've grown most proficient at saying (sounds something like "ther-beh-tha" when you apply the obligatory Spanish lisp), is… wait for it… feminine! The word for sparkling white wine, on the other hand? Masculine.

Odd, no?

Lost in Translators

When traveling in a country where the language is not your own, it’s important to have a fall-back plan, i.e., one of those embarrassingly touristy phrase books, or more covertly, an electronic translator, which if spotted in dim enough light, can look like a Sidekick.

We have both of these things and they have been occasionally helpful but more so completely useless. At times, the questions and answers are downright hilarious. Herewith, some of our favorites…

Using the electronic translator (good job Franklin Electronics!):
“I would like…” nets “I would like a laxative.”
In case you were wondering: “Quisiera un laxante.”

“I wonder…” nets “I think I’m going to be sick.”
In case you were wondering: “Creo que voy a enfermar.”
[Right. I’m about to vomit and the first thing I do is consult the translator.--Ed.]

“I need…” nets “I need a cane.”
In case you were wondering: “Necesito un bastón.”

From the guidebooks:
“I am diabetic/pregnant.”
In case you were wondering: “Soy diabético/a/estoy embarazada.”

“Can you help me? I have lost my daughter/son.”
In case you were wondering: “Puede ayudarme, se ha extraviado mi hija/mi hijo.”

"Do I need to see you again?"
In case you were wondering: "Debo verlo otra vez?"
[Meant for trips to the doctor, but we found it fitting in warding off potential suitors.--Ed.]